Baseball & Other Manly Things

Watching baseball coverage always reminds me of how disgusting men can be (No offense, you filthy pigs). I love watching the big games, but I have to admit, I'm completely turned off by some of the uncouth habits the players have. I always forget about how bad it can be until I watch for a couple of minutes, and it all comes back to me. Where's my barf bag when I need it?

Last night I was watching one of the games and was trying to enjoy some popcorn, when suddenly a closeup of one of the guys spitting sunflower shells, seemed to be aiming them directly at me. My gag reflex is working fine. Am I the only person who gets sick watching them spit anything and everything they can get their hands on? If you live at my house, you're hearing a lot of EWWS, ARGHS, YUCKS and UGHS! It's so unappetizing, as well as being uncivilized, especially when the photographers seem to love closeups. I don't get it. Who wants to take a trip into someone's ear canal?

The players are either chewing wads of gum, tobacco or have a bag of sunflower seeds in their mouths. One guy I was watching looked like a chipmunk or a proud hamster, with plenty of snack insurance. There was a closeup of the dugout, which looked ten times worse than any barnyard I've ever seen (and I'm from Kentucky). I almost expected to see a few goats, chickens or maybe some hogs, roaming around. The players seemed perfectly comfortable walking through all of the debris. I saw a couple of guys drink out of paper cups and cans, then casually drop them on the ground. For a moment, I was taken back to my kitchen floor - an instant replay of raising my son. I guess boys grow into men, then stagnate.

In another game this week, one of the guys was fiddling with his nose, while another was making adjustments to his crotch. One of the benched players was cracking his neck. Another guy was holding his filthy mouthguard between his teeth, moving it back and forth, while the player next to him looked like he was performing dental surgery with a plastic toothpick. I'm glad there's no sound because I'm sure there's lots of belching and even more bad behavior going on. I hate to think of all the things we're fortunate enough to miss. 

In one of the best games this week, I watched what looked like a 400 pound grizzly bear rounding the bases, saw that guy with the "looks like a fake" black beard trying to pick something out of it. God only knows what lies beneath it. Some of the players are now wearing nail polish and I'm not just talking about the catchers. Maybe next year they'll be wearing dresses. I hope not, I see enough of that on "Project Runway"... 

Of course, the choice for commercials is appropriately inappropriate. When they started showing the "dysfunctional male" ads years ago, I couldn't believe they would do such a thing, knowing lots of children watch those big games. I always thought it seemed wrong that a parent would have to explain what that meant to their kid. Recently a female friend of mine told me her 7 year old son looked up at her during a commercial and asked, "Mommy what's reptile dysfunction?" Being a dermatologist, she immediately told him it was when reptiles had extremely dry skin. 

I rest my case, even though I didn't have one.

And by the way, no matter how disgusting baseball is to watch, I still love it. I guess it kind of brings out the man in me. BURP!